WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE...READ SOME AND COMEBACK FOR THE REST...THIS IS IMPORTANT TO MY PERSONAL JOURNEY AND I HOPE IT ASSISTS YOU WITH YOURS.
As I viewed the many relationships surrounding me I began to think about love. loVE! LoVe? LOVE?! What is this four letter word that we are either way to excited or extremely hesitant to express? We are bombarded with definitions of love as a society. However, no one kan agree on the same definition.
This past month I have been thinking on the gift and curse of love. Through the most sincere display of love which my grandparents shared in their 63 years of marriage (prior to my grandfathers death) to the puppy love expressed on the playgrounds around the world, and all the love that exists in between. I've heard people say things like, "I'm with her because she loves me" "I have to be with someone who loves me more than I love them" "I know he loves me, he just kan't show it" "I love her but I kan't stop my body from wanting someone else." These statements made me want to know more about the definition of love. I've learned from my family, young and old, Kirk Franklin, and even Lauryn Hill. How does this world define love? I define love in its entirety as:
The emotion that kauses you to remain caring, honest, respektful, and understanding of others without seeking anything in return
When I tell someone that I love them I am telling them that I will always be there for them in whatever kapacity I am kapable. I give them the adoration and respekt with not expektation. When you tell someone "I love you" what do you really mean?
I do not always find that love is reciprokal. In my younger years I loved my friends as siblings bekause mine lived so far away, only to be abandoned for reasons unbeknown to me. I find that I am full of love and willing to share it with all of the people with which whom I surround myself, friends, family, and students regardless of if I receive it. I was taught to love others as I would love myself. And I do so mainly bekause I stand by something I said as a pre-teen "look at my footsteps and tell me where you'd be if you were me." As an adult trained to deal with students who have emotional disabilities I understand people based on the kause of their reaktions. If someone laughs at me or asks why when I tell them I love them it's bekause they may have never felt the love of a stranger or a good friend before. I kan't change my heart or dwell on what others believe I should do when I know that love is the one thing that kan give someone the kourage to kontinue onto something they may not have without it.
In order to find out the REAL definition of love before the various ones turned to the one place I refer my students to when they tell me they don't know something, The Diktionary! I found that love is not only a noun, but a verb as well.
Love
(n) 1. to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)
2. to like very much; find pleasure in
(v) 1. an intense feeling of deep affection
2. a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone
3. used to express affectionate approval of someone
I began to evaluate my relationship which kame to an end after 5 years of various combinations of passion, kommitment and intimacy. With the only constant being kommitment for the long haul. I thought about why we decided to stop trying for forever, then I learned of the Triagular Theory of Love. Which forced me to grow in a place where I was able to settle on my decision and grow from a situation which was not inkreasing my worth as an individual or as a kompanion to a komfortable individual with a heart of pure stregnth able to protekt herself. Now, to explore the theories and types of love not found in the Diktionary.
We kan begin with the Triangular Theory of Love. This theory brings three komponents together to kreate various types love which develop romantically:
1. Intimacy- Feelings of attachment, konnection, kloseness
2. Passion- Fellings of limerence (an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantik attraktion for another person kombined with the overwhelming, obsessive feeling of wanting your personal feelings reciprokated) kombined with a sexual attraction.
3. Commitment- Short Term- the decision to remain with one another. Long Term- the agreement between two to share achievements and make plans to kontinue to live and remain with each other.
This Triangular Theory of Love states that love exists when the three komponents exist in different kombinations. For example:
Empty Love when the sole purpose of the relationship is kommitment.
Infatuated Love exists when they sole komponent of the relationship is passion.
Romantic Love kombines passion and intimacy and doesn't kontain the komponent of kommitment.
Liking is another form of love however, it only kontains intimacy and kan be karakterized as true friendship a bond okurs without long-term kommitment or passion.
Kompassionate Love is a kombination of intimacy and kommitment, usually found in marriages when the passion is gone but the kommitment remains.
Fatuous Love is the type of love that exists with passion and kommitment exists within a whirlwind. The relationship okurs when the passion and kommitment are not grounded with inimacy.
The overarching all enkompassing type of love is Konsumate Love the love which exists when inimacy, passion, and kommitment are equally present. This is the ideal love which is extremely hard to attain and equally diffikult to maintain.
This theory forced me to look at my relationships past and present to view where I stand in the lives of those whom I am some type of emotionally konnected to. The thing that I enjoyed most about this theory is that each of these types of love is quite statik (ever changing) and it leaves hope for those relationships which may want growth from the place their in. However, on the other side of things these relationships kan regress from one to another. It is the regression which we have to be aware of, just bekause we kontain kommitment and intimacy a full love kannot exist without passion. WHOA! That's heavy stuff thanks http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love for your explanation. of The Triangular Theory of Love
The love that I have been most familiar with is the three types of love which are discussed akross the world Philia, Agape, and Eros. These types of love are the easiest to understand because their description is in their name.
Eros- is the erotic type of love
Philia- is the type of love which we express based on friendship between two people.
Agape- is the type of love which is greater than all others, it's unkonditional
Now, looking at these types of love we are able to place someone around us into a kategory, our friends, our family (or those we love unkonditionally), and those who we have a naughty love for. You know, the guy or girl whom we have a tingle in our special place for (not our heart).
Philia is the love which is usually friendship and given on the grounds that you are friends. I have a problem with only having a friendly love bekause my friends exist in my world as family. This type of love also is the foundation for romantic relationships because it is the best relationships which start as friends.
Eros is the love that I believe attrakts you to a person. It is the Eros that initiates konversation, and the Eros which kauses you to akt in ways that your physikal body kan kontrol. In my head all I kan think of is, is this even konsidered love? What do you think? Where does it take you? What's the end result?
Agape love is the unkonditional love that we give our family members and we reserve for those whom we konsider as such. Agape love is the love that you display when you find yourself forgiving people for themselves and loving them at all times for all reasons in all way. Now, do we give anyone this type of love or are we too selfish to do so?
WHOA I think I've finally got it! I may even feel differently about love based on what I learned through this journey. My definition still stands, however, I see the various facets of this thing kalled love have illuminated some past relationships, and will encourage future relationships. Praise HIM for growth!
I kuda sat around and thought that I knew it all about this feature of live called LOVE
I shoulda taken some additional time to find other variations of love in other countries and how it is expressed to enhance my thoughts and actions
I'm gonna kontinue with my expression of love. I think it's important for me to kreate a place where others can feel the genuine love of others as well. I am going to use this blog to share stories of love once a month! We need to remember how great love can be no matter what stage it is in.
Share an example of love with us! There are so many examples of love and I am eager to hear them! No need to wait until February when love exists everyday
No comments:
Post a Comment