Oh Shanghai....

I'm loving this place!

There are SO many different things to do and SO many experiences for me to have. I couldn't even imagine enjoying living here as much as I do.

It hasn't hit me that I actually live across the world...Why? Well, for starters I've gotten to hang out with two pretty awesome chicas that I went to, PAUSE....wait for it.....Elementary School with! Yea, I know...who moves across the world to make old friends new ones? Oh, yea....ME!

I've also met some pretty cool people in my cohort....leaving me with another revelation, there ARE adults in the world who love Disney just as much as I do!! This was more shocking to me because I haven't been in a room with so many of my kind in a while.

There are a few things that I have noticed about my beloved Shanghai...They aren't used to seeing people with the honey scotch complexion such as mine. It perplexes them and leaves them with the most amazing expressions I couldn't even describe. Therefore, I chose to take pics of them! (They were staring so they were aware the picture was being taken, no consent was necessary)

                                                                                          

              

Seriously though, now I know how people with albinism feel. (Side Note: I saw an older woman here with albinism and she was BEAUTIFUL)

I must admit, initially, I was a bit frustrated by all the stares (that I was warned about). Mainly, because I also kept hearing the people say, "ni-guh." I immediate assumed that not only were they staring at me but they were also offending me!! China and I had to have a talk. Once I found someone to ask about everything it all worked out. Turns out, they use the word to mean "this" or "that." The frequency however, was off-putting because they tend to use it as a space filler just as we use "like" or "ummm."

I KUDA been angry, whined about it, then went home!

I SHOULDA not been in my feelings in the first place, I know that I'm in a foreign land!

No worries now though! I've got it all together! 

I'm GONNA  enjoy documenting their facial expressions because they're priceless

             

 

                                Thanks to my cheesecake stick and my little does of home...

This journey has been more than a handful of interesting encounters (many which I haven't even shared with you) and I've only been here for 6 full days....

I can only imagine what is coming up in the next 543 remaining days that I take in moment by moment. 

Friends....How Many of Us Have Them?

In leaving I had to begin to evaluate my relationships with people. I'm not involved romantically but I do feel as if the ones who I deem my friends are important parts of who I am. Growing up an only child I take my friendships in as family and rarely do I give them a change to decide that for themselves. 

I give selflessly and without expectation of return. Or so I thought...I've not realized that my friends are better than yours and I hold them to a high regard. But....Is that fair, or is that a method that I use to fulfill an untapped emptiness?

People have a way of trying to make you feel as if they care about your well-being. It's in our nature...

"How are you?"  "What's going on?"  "How's your family?"   "If I can do anything let me know..."

All things that most of us have said, but do we really want to know the answer?

After running into a person at the mall that you haven't seen, in an unspecified time, we strike up conversation, exchange numbers, hug, smile, only to never see them until the next unexpected run-in and discuss how we never met up. Why do we suggest or say things that we don't mean? Isn't it enough just to say hi and "it's good to see you" without creating a false friend reunion?

As I was preparing to leave I made some long lost connections with people. Some who I genuinely missed, who I see rarely, but we have the type of friendship that meets for a 3hr coffee date, brunch, drink, etc. 1-3x a year and that's ok with us. There's a sort of undying connection that keeps us satisfied.

Others, who are like family but secretly only want to see you fail so that they can talk about you behind your back.

Then there are the ones who smile in your face because they know someone who cares about you and they just want to appease them.

Oh, and how can I forget, the "I miss you" friends. These are the friends who ALWAYS miss you but never seem to satisfy that feeling. No emails, no social media comments, no texts, just always misssing....miss....miss... miss...

There are the "sneak attack" friends who are the ones that make you feel like you're important to them while you're in their presence then forget you exist when you're gone. 

This phenomenon of the featherweight friendship struck me as I was preparing for departure. I was so overwhelmed with good vibes that the negative ones hit me kind of hard. I wasn't prepared to disconnect from those who I rekindled relationships with. I believed that everyone who shared my space was there because they knew I needed their support and that they wouldn't let me down. 

Truth is...have I been a good friend?

Do I:

• Give an unbiased opinion about situations
• Listen when being confided in
• Create availability to hang out, call, celebrate
• Show respect
• Remain loyal
• Support
• Create Smiles
• Comfort Tears
• Lack Judgement

Have I met the requirements of friendship that I set out for others? I'm not quite sure that I have lived up to the standards that I expect from others. And yes, I now admit that I have expectations. 

I Think It's Time To Let it Go!

 

As the year 2013 kame to a klose I was forced to think about what leaving looks like. 

Leaving DC    Leaving Family     Leaving Friends     Leaving Work   

 Leaving Possessions     Leaving _____

I grow attachments to things. I grew up an only child and very possessive of what I owned. Mainly bekause my mother made me work my butt of for ANYTHING that I owned. A pen wasn't just a pen, it was an amulet into another dimension which I was able to forge my destiny through writing! So, naturally I always wanted them back. 

Therefore, when I had to empty out my storage unit and know that 95% of the things that I possessed I would NEVER see again I needed some assistance.

I began to think......

What will I want in 15 months?

       What will I remember I owned?

             What will I desperately need to?

                   Do I want to come back and have to figure out where to put this stuff?

                          Does anyone need anything?

                                 What's the significance of these things?

                                          How am I getting them to China? 

                                                 Will I even be able to use these things?

And when the answer to these kwestions yeilded an arousing: LET IT GO I did just that!

My storage was the gateway needed to get through this process and enter into the New Year ready to take on challenges. But, I didn't know that yet. 

I began to unsubskribe to email accounts, delete phone numbers, and delete piktures from my phone

This process was hard for me bekause that meant I had to let go of some people, and though people aren't possessions the people I surround myself with are a part of me. Therefore, when you are inserted into my life as a friend, you are not just a friend. You are my family

And, when breaking ties with people who you konsider family it feels for a moment as if you are losing a part of you.

This was an instrumental revelation. I was the first time that I actually believed and understood that everyone isn't in your life for good reasons and that people can exist in seasons. A hard truth...but a necessary konfrontation with reality.

This purging of things was further konfirmed in my attendance at church on Sunday (The Awakenings Movement) where the kommunication spoke of exactly this! I was able to transfer my relinquishing of possessions and people to EVERYTHING. 

The Truth Kommunicator deklared that Letting Go! was/is the key to success. God gave him this message which pierced my eardrums loud and klear.This message revealed my weakness of holding on only to remind me that the journey begins once we LET GO. A former message was referenced,

"Forgiveness means refusing to tell the story one more time"

Another poignant revelation for me bekause in order to fully let go you have to aktually LET GO

Everything I heard konfirmed that I kan komplete the tasks through HIM that I'm not komfortable doing myself.

And this letting go wasn't going to be so bad after all bekause in order for me to gain anything during this new chapter of my life I have to be able to let it ALL go. 

I KUDA kept everything and held on to things that weigh me down

I SHOULDA disposed of things in a way that would've been more beneficial to others

I'm GONNA kontinue on the journey of letting go and inspire others to ask themselves hard questions so that they are able to relinquish things which are stifling their progress.