Oh Shanghai....

I'm loving this place!

There are SO many different things to do and SO many experiences for me to have. I couldn't even imagine enjoying living here as much as I do.

It hasn't hit me that I actually live across the world...Why? Well, for starters I've gotten to hang out with two pretty awesome chicas that I went to, PAUSE....wait for it.....Elementary School with! Yea, I know...who moves across the world to make old friends new ones? Oh, yea....ME!

I've also met some pretty cool people in my cohort....leaving me with another revelation, there ARE adults in the world who love Disney just as much as I do!! This was more shocking to me because I haven't been in a room with so many of my kind in a while.

There are a few things that I have noticed about my beloved Shanghai...They aren't used to seeing people with the honey scotch complexion such as mine. It perplexes them and leaves them with the most amazing expressions I couldn't even describe. Therefore, I chose to take pics of them! (They were staring so they were aware the picture was being taken, no consent was necessary)

                                                                                          

              

Seriously though, now I know how people with albinism feel. (Side Note: I saw an older woman here with albinism and she was BEAUTIFUL)

I must admit, initially, I was a bit frustrated by all the stares (that I was warned about). Mainly, because I also kept hearing the people say, "ni-guh." I immediate assumed that not only were they staring at me but they were also offending me!! China and I had to have a talk. Once I found someone to ask about everything it all worked out. Turns out, they use the word to mean "this" or "that." The frequency however, was off-putting because they tend to use it as a space filler just as we use "like" or "ummm."

I KUDA been angry, whined about it, then went home!

I SHOULDA not been in my feelings in the first place, I know that I'm in a foreign land!

No worries now though! I've got it all together! 

I'm GONNA  enjoy documenting their facial expressions because they're priceless

             

 

                                Thanks to my cheesecake stick and my little does of home...

This journey has been more than a handful of interesting encounters (many which I haven't even shared with you) and I've only been here for 6 full days....

I can only imagine what is coming up in the next 543 remaining days that I take in moment by moment. 

Friends....How Many of Us Have Them?

In leaving I had to begin to evaluate my relationships with people. I'm not involved romantically but I do feel as if the ones who I deem my friends are important parts of who I am. Growing up an only child I take my friendships in as family and rarely do I give them a change to decide that for themselves. 

I give selflessly and without expectation of return. Or so I thought...I've not realized that my friends are better than yours and I hold them to a high regard. But....Is that fair, or is that a method that I use to fulfill an untapped emptiness?

People have a way of trying to make you feel as if they care about your well-being. It's in our nature...

"How are you?"  "What's going on?"  "How's your family?"   "If I can do anything let me know..."

All things that most of us have said, but do we really want to know the answer?

After running into a person at the mall that you haven't seen, in an unspecified time, we strike up conversation, exchange numbers, hug, smile, only to never see them until the next unexpected run-in and discuss how we never met up. Why do we suggest or say things that we don't mean? Isn't it enough just to say hi and "it's good to see you" without creating a false friend reunion?

As I was preparing to leave I made some long lost connections with people. Some who I genuinely missed, who I see rarely, but we have the type of friendship that meets for a 3hr coffee date, brunch, drink, etc. 1-3x a year and that's ok with us. There's a sort of undying connection that keeps us satisfied.

Others, who are like family but secretly only want to see you fail so that they can talk about you behind your back.

Then there are the ones who smile in your face because they know someone who cares about you and they just want to appease them.

Oh, and how can I forget, the "I miss you" friends. These are the friends who ALWAYS miss you but never seem to satisfy that feeling. No emails, no social media comments, no texts, just always misssing....miss....miss... miss...

There are the "sneak attack" friends who are the ones that make you feel like you're important to them while you're in their presence then forget you exist when you're gone. 

This phenomenon of the featherweight friendship struck me as I was preparing for departure. I was so overwhelmed with good vibes that the negative ones hit me kind of hard. I wasn't prepared to disconnect from those who I rekindled relationships with. I believed that everyone who shared my space was there because they knew I needed their support and that they wouldn't let me down. 

Truth is...have I been a good friend?

Do I:

• Give an unbiased opinion about situations
• Listen when being confided in
• Create availability to hang out, call, celebrate
• Show respect
• Remain loyal
• Support
• Create Smiles
• Comfort Tears
• Lack Judgement

Have I met the requirements of friendship that I set out for others? I'm not quite sure that I have lived up to the standards that I expect from others. And yes, I now admit that I have expectations. 

I Think It's Time To Let it Go!

 

As the year 2013 kame to a klose I was forced to think about what leaving looks like. 

Leaving DC    Leaving Family     Leaving Friends     Leaving Work   

 Leaving Possessions     Leaving _____

I grow attachments to things. I grew up an only child and very possessive of what I owned. Mainly bekause my mother made me work my butt of for ANYTHING that I owned. A pen wasn't just a pen, it was an amulet into another dimension which I was able to forge my destiny through writing! So, naturally I always wanted them back. 

Therefore, when I had to empty out my storage unit and know that 95% of the things that I possessed I would NEVER see again I needed some assistance.

I began to think......

What will I want in 15 months?

       What will I remember I owned?

             What will I desperately need to?

                   Do I want to come back and have to figure out where to put this stuff?

                          Does anyone need anything?

                                 What's the significance of these things?

                                          How am I getting them to China? 

                                                 Will I even be able to use these things?

And when the answer to these kwestions yeilded an arousing: LET IT GO I did just that!

My storage was the gateway needed to get through this process and enter into the New Year ready to take on challenges. But, I didn't know that yet. 

I began to unsubskribe to email accounts, delete phone numbers, and delete piktures from my phone

This process was hard for me bekause that meant I had to let go of some people, and though people aren't possessions the people I surround myself with are a part of me. Therefore, when you are inserted into my life as a friend, you are not just a friend. You are my family

And, when breaking ties with people who you konsider family it feels for a moment as if you are losing a part of you.

This was an instrumental revelation. I was the first time that I actually believed and understood that everyone isn't in your life for good reasons and that people can exist in seasons. A hard truth...but a necessary konfrontation with reality.

This purging of things was further konfirmed in my attendance at church on Sunday (The Awakenings Movement) where the kommunication spoke of exactly this! I was able to transfer my relinquishing of possessions and people to EVERYTHING. 

The Truth Kommunicator deklared that Letting Go! was/is the key to success. God gave him this message which pierced my eardrums loud and klear.This message revealed my weakness of holding on only to remind me that the journey begins once we LET GO. A former message was referenced,

"Forgiveness means refusing to tell the story one more time"

Another poignant revelation for me bekause in order to fully let go you have to aktually LET GO

Everything I heard konfirmed that I kan komplete the tasks through HIM that I'm not komfortable doing myself.

And this letting go wasn't going to be so bad after all bekause in order for me to gain anything during this new chapter of my life I have to be able to let it ALL go. 

I KUDA kept everything and held on to things that weigh me down

I SHOULDA disposed of things in a way that would've been more beneficial to others

I'm GONNA kontinue on the journey of letting go and inspire others to ask themselves hard questions so that they are able to relinquish things which are stifling their progress.

Each time I begin a new journey I begin it with all of these goals. I usually begin with what I'm going to do. Then, I have a less than stellar applikation of said goals. This time....I have NO choice but to exekute flawlessly. Why? Because

 I'm moving to China!

Yep, that's right...Here I go, embarking on yet another eskapade that will change my life. My blog has been a bit blank for the past two years but, 

Kristin the Konkeror is Back

And this time I know that I'll have time to share my experiences because calling folks won't be so easy. The time difference on the other side of the world is REAL. 

So, for my original 3 I hope you remember me and 

You newbies read about the old me so that you can respect what the new me will bekome. 

I kan't wait to share this experience with you.

I kuda just forgot about my blog and used facebook/instagram to dokument my travels.

I shoulda kept up with this form of dokumenting bekause the last two years have been an interesting roller coaster.

I'm gonna make sure to post every three days, bekause there's NO way that I won't be taking advantage of this greatness 

Kute vs Sexy

As I monitor the life on twitter I always find something that sends me on a tangent. The latest one was the debate between sexy and kute. What is sexy? What is kute? Men and Women both weigh in...

Sexy to me always felt like a piece of meat! I NEVER wanted to be kalled "Sexy." Maybe bekause at a young age my shapely body was always noticed by older men who would say, "Hey sexy thang" which left me with a sour taste in my mouth. The word made me feel like the only reason they were saying anything to me was bekause they wanted to do just that Sex-me. YUCK! You nasty weirdo man! "MOM!"

However, I always fall into the kategory of kute amongst the boys who were in my krew. You know, the homegirl, not the girlfriend. The kool one who was loyal and didn't share folks business. Which I didn't mind because I'd rather be kute than ugly. At least I had a favorable title...unlike many of the females who they referred to with niknames like, UgMug, Shenehneh, BoogerWolf, or even Oskar (those with unibrows). Thinking bak, they were MEAN...I digress

Yet after asking the wonderful sources around my "my people" around me I have a new understanding for the two terms:

It began with analogies:
                                      "Ice Kream is Kute and A T-Bone is Sexy"
                                        "Puppies are Kute and women are Sexy"
                                        "Sexy is in the body and Kute is in Face"

Sexy:
(male)  "Sexy is the tangibles."

"a kombo of using your features, attitude, and voice, at the right moment for maxim arousal to mind and body."

"Sexy is normally quiet. Makes more eye kontact that you kan understand the mystery of a person's ability...a stimulation of possibilities"
(female) "Sexy: A certain appeal that is arousing to one's eye but klassy also."

"Sexy is the whole package: attitude, demeanor, personality, and physikal sex appeal."
 
Kute:
(male)    "Kute is the intangibles."

"Bubbly. Pleasant. Good to be around. Always welkome. Normally has a great smile to aksent a personality"

"Kute kan't go away, even on a bad day"

(female)  "Someone who has a great personality, smile, and katches ones eye, but keeps it moving.
                 
"It's the smile, it's ALL in the smile!"


It's seems like men and women alike agree, just with different vernakular. Of kourse us women know how to express themselves A LOT better. Back to the topic at hand...I now wouldn't 'mind being either! The men make it seem ok to be a piece of enticing steak. However, they both have similar kharakteristiks. I've kome to the konclusion that Kute is a pretty/handsome person. The one your attrakted to but, may not be your mate, or provide you with the tingle in your special place.

Now the SEXY kaptivates your special place and kannot help it. The one you see and skream inside or give a double-take. Just as I felt before, it is all about the piece of meat, until you get to know them.

If you can wait that long ;0) I know how y'all do....

Hold strong my kute familia!!! We too kan be sexy! The best ability we have is the ability to turn our sexy ON and OFF! Watch out Sexies...We may sneak up and win! Don't challenge us in the streets!

Do you agree? I know that these two words will kontinue to spark kontroversy throughout the world and in relationships everywhere! Which one do you prefer or are you kategorized as?

          



LOVE a Word That Komes and Goes

WARNING: THIS IS A LONG ONE...READ SOME AND COMEBACK FOR THE REST...THIS IS IMPORTANT TO MY PERSONAL JOURNEY AND I HOPE IT ASSISTS YOU WITH YOURS.

As I viewed the many relationships surrounding me I began to think about love. loVE! LoVe? LOVE?! What is this four letter word that we are either way to excited or extremely hesitant to express? We are bombarded with definitions of love as a society. However, no one kan agree on the same definition.

This past month I have been thinking on the gift and curse of love. Through the most sincere display of love which my grandparents shared in their 63 years of marriage (prior to my grandfathers death) to the puppy love expressed on the playgrounds around the world, and all the love that exists in between. I've heard people say things like, "I'm with her because she loves me" "I have to be with someone who loves me more than I love them" "I know he loves me, he just kan't show it" "I love her but I kan't stop my body from wanting someone else." These statements made me want to know more about the definition of love. I've learned from my family, young and old, Kirk Franklin, and even Lauryn Hill. How does this world define love? I define love in its entirety as:

The emotion that kauses you to remain caring, honest, respektful, and understanding of others without seeking anything in return

When I tell someone that I love them I am telling them that I will always be there for them in whatever kapacity I am kapable. I give them the adoration and respekt with not expektation.  When you tell someone "I love you" what do you really mean? 

I do not always find that love is reciprokal. In my younger years I loved my friends as siblings bekause mine lived so far away, only to be abandoned for reasons unbeknown to me. I find that I am full of love and willing to share it with all of the people with which whom I surround myself, friends, family, and students regardless of if I receive it. I was taught to love others as I would love myself. And I do so mainly bekause I stand by something I said as a pre-teen "look at my footsteps and tell me where you'd be if you were me." As an adult trained to deal with students who have emotional disabilities I understand people based on the kause of their reaktions. If someone laughs at me or asks why when I tell them I love them it's bekause they may have never felt the love of a stranger or a good friend before. I kan't change my heart or dwell on what others believe I should do when I know that love is the one thing that kan give someone the kourage to kontinue onto something they may not have without it.

In order to find out the REAL definition of love before the various ones turned to the one place I refer my students to when they tell me they don't know something, The Diktionary! I found that love is not only a noun, but a verb as well.

Love 

(n) 1. to feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone)

     2. to like very much; find pleasure in

(v) 1. an intense feeling of deep affection

     2. a deep romantic or sexual attachment to someone

     3. used to express affectionate approval of someone

I began to evaluate my relationship which kame to an end after 5 years of various combinations of passion, kommitment and intimacy. With the only constant being kommitment for the long haul. I thought about why we decided to stop trying for forever, then I learned of the Triagular Theory of Love. Which forced me to grow in a place where I was able to settle on my decision and grow from a situation which was not inkreasing my worth as an individual or as a kompanion to a komfortable individual with a heart of pure stregnth able to protekt herself. Now, to explore the theories and types of love not found in the Diktionary.

We kan begin with the Triangular Theory of Love. This theory brings three komponents together to kreate various types love which develop romantically:

1. Intimacy- Feelings of attachment, konnection, kloseness

2. Passion- Fellings of limerence (an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantik attraktion for another person kombined with the overwhelming, obsessive feeling of wanting your personal feelings reciprokated) kombined with a sexual attraction.

3. Commitment- Short Term- the decision to remain with one another. Long Term- the agreement between two to share achievements and make plans to kontinue to live and remain with each other. 

This Triangular Theory of Love states that love exists when the three komponents exist in different kombinations. For example:

Empty Love when the sole purpose of the relationship is kommitment. 

Infatuated Love exists when they sole komponent of the relationship is passion.  

Romantic Love kombines passion and intimacy and doesn't kontain the komponent of kommitment.  

Liking is another form of love however, it only kontains intimacy and kan be karakterized as true friendship a bond okurs without long-term kommitment or passion.  

Kompassionate Love is a kombination of intimacy and kommitment, usually found in marriages when the passion is gone but the kommitment remains. 

Fatuous Love is the type of love that exists with passion and kommitment exists within a whirlwind. The relationship okurs when the passion and kommitment are not grounded with inimacy.

The overarching all enkompassing type of love is Konsumate Love the love which exists when inimacy, passion, and kommitment are equally present. This is the ideal love which is extremely hard to attain and equally diffikult to maintain.

This theory forced me to look at my relationships past and present to view where I stand in the lives of those whom I am some type of emotionally konnected to. The thing that I enjoyed most about this theory is that each of these types of love is quite statik (ever changing) and it leaves hope for those relationships which may want growth from the place their in. However, on the other side of things these relationships kan regress from one to another. It is the regression which we have to be aware of, just bekause we kontain kommitment and intimacy a full love kannot exist without passion. WHOA! That's heavy stuff thanks http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Triangular_theory_of_love for your explanation. of The Triangular Theory of Love

The love that I have been most familiar with is the three types of love which are discussed akross the world Philia, Agape, and Eros. These types of love are the easiest to understand because their description is in their name.

Eros- is the erotic type of love

Philia- is the type of love which we express based on friendship between two people.

Agape- is the type of love which is greater than all others, it's unkonditional

Now, looking at these types of love we are able to place someone around us into a kategory, our friends, our family (or those we love unkonditionally), and those who we have a naughty love for. You know, the guy or girl whom we have a tingle in our special place for (not our heart).  

Philia is the love which is usually friendship and given on the grounds that you are friends. I have a problem with only having a friendly love bekause my friends exist in my world as family. This type of love also is the foundation for romantic relationships because it is the best relationships which start as friends.

Eros is the love that I believe attrakts you to a person. It is the Eros that initiates konversation, and the Eros which kauses you to akt in ways that your physikal body kan kontrol. In my head all I kan think of is, is this even konsidered love? What do you think? Where does it take you? What's the end result?

Agape love is the unkonditional love that we give our family members and we reserve for those whom we konsider as such. Agape love is the love that you display when you find yourself forgiving people for themselves and loving them at all times for all reasons in all way. Now, do we give anyone this type of love or are we too selfish to do so?

WHOA I think I've finally got it! I may even feel differently about love based on what I learned through this journey. My definition still stands, however, I see the various facets of this thing kalled love have illuminated some past relationships, and will encourage future relationships. Praise HIM for growth!

I kuda sat around and thought that I knew it all about this feature of live called LOVE 

I shoulda taken some additional time to find other variations of love in other countries and how it is expressed to enhance my thoughts and actions

I'm gonna kontinue with my expression of love. I think it's important for me to kreate a place where others can feel the genuine love of others as well. I am going to use this blog to share stories of love once a month! We need to remember how great love can be no matter what stage it is in. 

Share an example of love with us! There are so many examples of love and I am eager to hear them! No need to wait until February when love exists everyday

Simple Pleasures

Today as I was texting a friend he told me "Just simple pleasures usually works," (in reference to curing my persistent headaches) that one statement sent my head into a frenzy! It gave me the inspiration needed to hop back on my short lived blogging career.

1st thing I thought was that there may have been some type of innuendo that I want to enkounter with this kind sir...Then, I put my fantasy in chek and thought:

"What exaktly are simple pleasures? What are MY simple pleasures?"

Lets define simple, (kue: dictionary.com) Simple: not ornate or luxurious, CHEK and about that word pleasure? Pleasure: enjoyment or satisfaktion derived from one's liking; gratifikation

I have kome to the konklusion that simple pleasures are ordinary things which provide individual enjoyment; and I am not sure that I have spent enough time fokusing on the things that provide me with personal satisfaktion.

I have been SO caught up with saving the chaos around me, this emotional and behavioral interning, MA Ed, obtaining, and SLP aspiring that the roses I used to take time to smell have become decoration! I let my personal time down! How dare I, Kristin the Konkeror, allow extraneous things that cause me stress, get in the way of the "simple pleasures" in my life that I was so fond of? What are some of the simple things that you have eliminated from your agenda? Get them back SUCKA!


It's time for us, dependable, hard workers to not only realize that the simple pleasures in our personal lives are what keep the sanity. BUT that it is our job to grab them and hold on in the grand scheme of things. If you continue to go on riding this wonderful train kalled life you need to remember "Yesterday is today, and today is tomorrow, and it'll all be the same day in and day out." Therefore, we, as maintainers of our own happiness, need to make time for our simple pleasures and ENJOY! Life is too short! It's our responsibility to ourselves to enjoy it!

I kuda: Been a sad sack an komplained about missing out on all of my simple pleasures
 
I shoulda: Kept my sanity! It's important to grow with your surroundings and not forget the things that made you happy. 

I'm Gonna: Create a list of Simple Pleasures that I can turn to and hopefully inspire some new lists so that when I get caught up in my whirlwind I will be able to look back at the simple things that create a smile not only in my heart, but on my face. 

 My Simple Pleasures:

Head Massages
Hanging out with my siblings 

Taking the time to learn something new about an old friend

Laying on my back and "cloud searching"

Honey Wheat Pretzels

Closing my eyes with ear buds in order to dissect the meanings of songs 

Identifying Constellations 

Catching up with a friend with no agenda

A day of spontaneity 

Dancing

Volleyball

Sewing

Playing my viola with no music 
Company or Conversation when I'm uncomfortable being alone with myself

Take the time to create your own list of pleasures, you'll realize your simplicity. As humans we only understand the concept of material things when their concepts are infused in our brains. We are simple beings and generally happiness comes from the things around us that are free. How much money does it cost to laugh, smile, dance, or create those experiences for someone else. Find the simple and let the complex stress someone else out.